I mean, I have a lawyer I’ve used for a few things over the last decade or so, and they’d be my goto, but they’re not on retainer.

Mahi Bhut Jolokia sauce is my go to.

“The other religion is the true one.”

Looks good! Come and join us at !cooking_with_fire!

What, cannibalism?

Go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for this all to blow over.

Also missing: pure random-roll character who makes no sense and contributes nothing other than needing to be rescued a lot.

At my best I was a seven, I guess, but for a while I was going out with a model who was a compfortable nine. We were walking through town and bumped into a friend of hers I hadn’t met before. She said: “Oh, this is the new guy?” My girlfriend replied in the affirmative, and this other woman paused for a moment, looking me up and down, and then just asked in an incredulous tone of voice: “Why?”

[My girlfriend later explained that the other woman was bi and into her (unreciprocated), so that took the edge off it.]

Perfect except for ‘Thoughts?’ Instead of that it should be an appeal to the speaker’s boss: ‘Chris, do you have any builds?’

… and then you’ll be boiled. For breakfast.

Step 1. Descend to sea level.
Step 2. Cook eggs.

So every hundred years or so.

My sister literally tried the first one in high school. She lay in wait, probably for hours, on the country road she knew the guy she fancied lived down. Once she saw him in the distance she dropped her bicycle so it lay across the road and hobbled around for a bit until he got there.

I can’t say it worked. He stopped, helped her get her bike up off the road, then went on his way.

Toad The Wet Sprocket, of course!

"Rex Stardust, lead electric triangle with Toad The Wet Sprocket, has had to have an elbow removed following their recent successful worldwide tour of Finland. Flamboyant, ambidextrous Rex apparently fell off the back of a motorcycle. “Fell off the back of a motorcyclist, most likely,” quipped ace drummer Jumbo McClooney on hearing of the accident. Plans are already afoot for a major tour of Iceland.

"Divorced after only eight minutes, popular television singing star Charisma changed her mind on the way out of the registry office, when she realised she’d married one of the Donkeys by mistake. The evening before, in LA’s glittering night spot The Abbatoir, she’d proposed to drummer Reg Abbott of Blind Drunk, after a whirlwind romance and a knee-trembler. But when the hangover lifted, it was Keith Sly of the Donkeys who was on her arm in the registry office. Keith, who was too ill to notice, remained unsteady during the short ceremony and, when asked to exchange vows, began to recite names and addresses of people who also used the stuff. Charisma spotted the error as Keith was being carried into the wedding ambulance, and became emotionally upset. However, the mistake was soon cleared up, and she stayed long enough to consummate their divorce.

“Dead Monkeys are to split up again, according to their manager Lefty Goldblatt. They’ve been in the business now ten years, nine as other groups. Originally the Dead Salmon, they became, for a while, Trout, then Fried Trout, then Poached Trout In A White Wine Sauce, and finally, Herring. Splitting up for nearly a month, they reformed as Red Herring, which became Dead Herring for a while, and then Dead Loss, which reflected the current state of the group. Splitting up again to get their heads together, they reformed a fortnight later as Heads Together, a tight little name which lasted them through a difficult period when their drummer was suspected of suffering from death. It turned out to be only a rumour, and they became Dead Together, then Dead Gear, which led to Dead Donkeys, Lead Donkeys, and the inevitable splitup. After nearly ten days, they reformed again as Sole Meunière, then Dead Sole, Rock Cod, Turbot, Haddock, White Bait, the Plaices, Fish, Bream, Mackerel, Salmon, Poached Salmon, Poached Salmon in a White Wine Sauce, Salmon Meunière, and Helen Shapiro. This last name, their favourite, had to be dropped following an injunction, and they split up again. When they reformed after a record-breaking two days, they ditched the fishy references and became Dead Monkeys, a name which they stuck with for the rest of their careers. Now, a fortnight later, they’ve finally split up.”

- Monty Python

Fuck off. No English plate has seen bacon and eggs that grim.

Don’t say that like it’s a bad thing!

TPS report cover sheet.

So no one knows I’m here? I’d head upstairs to a bedroom and sleep for 24 hours without the kids bothering me.

Eleven states require automakers sell a certain percentage of zero-emissions vehicles by 2025. If they can’t, the automakers have to buy regulatory credits from another automaker that meets those requirements – such as Tesla, which exclusively sells electric cars…The $1.6 billion in regulatory credits it received last year far outweighed Tesla’s net income of $721 million – meaning Tesla would have otherwise posted a net loss in 2020. - source = CNN

First time I saw it, it was Picard telling the joke and Ryker rolling his eyes.