I worked customer service at Kmart for a few years and encountered a lot of old classmates. Fortunately I had lost a bunch of weight since I had last seen them, and all of my hair fell out, so nobody knew who I was. I could tell some people thought I was maybe familiar, but I was never identified outright. I felt like a secret agent.

That was honestly pretty nice of the first guy to not use piss.

I’m a staunch supporter of anything with swamp in the name. Except maybe swamp ass, however aptly named.

It’s a shitty class to play.

Thanks! Very kind of you to say.

Ah, the old Coon Hill Rd. special. Grew up near a wooded country road that was full of trash like this. People apparently came from all around the township to dump their trash and furniture up and down this road, and the county never bothered to clean it up. My family was never down with that, but my dad used to catch possums in his livetraps and relocate them on this exact road. I guess he didn’t know how beneficial it was to have possums around. Coon Hill may have been lined with trash, but it was likely 100% tick free.

I had to do a school project once where we took disposal cameras and snapped photos of things that we found beautiful, and things we found ugly. I knocked out almost all of the ugly ones just on Coon Hill, but I did snap a few beautiful ones off the beaten path a bit. It was in the dead of winter and mostly snow and rotting vegetation, but beautiful enough at the right time of day. There was a duality down Coon Hill.

I swear I wasn’t a redneck, but it sure sounds like it.

As a person who manages a produce department for a living, this is one of my favorite posts I’ve ever seen. All day long I’m surrounded by little faces and it’s kind of just a thing that only I pay any mind to.

My nephew is one of the worst I’ve ever smelled. Just the overwhelming scent of damp, reused football socks and armpit. How he can’t smell his own smog is beyond my comprehension. I can’t imagine the smell of a classroom.

Da Baer’s aere gonna win it this yeahr, boys.

Every now and then I just save the German memes and send them to my English group chats to make sure they’re confused too.

Can confirm. I manage a produce department for a living and it blows my mind that we get 3-4 days in the wall cooler but 24 hours at home. Moisture control goes a long way.

Chemtrails are broadly believed to be nefarious chemicals that alter everything from weather (to facilitate global warming, not to prevent it) to human/animal hormones. While exhaust is no doubt harmful, when conspiracy theorists speak of chemtrails, they are speaking of shady government operatives intentionally loading the planes with experimental chemicals that are meant to be rained down onto the masses.

Fuck 'em up!

I love staring at a small, rusty, unassuming chimney and knowing it’s just sitting on top of the fucking Vatican.

What’s over her mouth there?

I always try to imagine the process of deciding, and it’s hard to take it seriously.

“Carnidal Donatello has done some great work for the church, and the nuns really like him.”

“Yes, sure, I agree with you there. However, I think that Mortimer has been much closer to God. I saw him the other day – Mortimer, that is, not God – and I swear he was radiating with light.”

“Mortimer truly does radiate with light, but that may have been due to his proximity to the CNPP back in '86, and might explain his extra appendages… You’ve certainly been quiet through these deliberations, Marco. What are your thoughts on the matter?”

“Me? Oh. Well… I kind of like Bill.”

Shit’s embarrassing. I used to think I was such a clever person, but came across like a loser and a try-hard. Most of them got all of 2 likes, if any.

She has the look of a mom who is also a sister, but also the sister of someone’s mom.

Always fat, stupid fucks that resemble McNuggets.

Immigration Canada wanted proof of my wife and I’s relationship, so we dumped a packet of printed call logs on them as thick as a novel. Skype certainly served its purpose.