For what it‘s worth I think you are correct. Even if I feel triggered in feeling that you came in hot, but you are speaking truth and in a mental health forum I think that is most important.

I think in my response I should have rather touched upon that what the other poster is touching upon is that for a Glimmer we sometimes have to learn to experience them fully, which is not a clear distinction between the two. There can also be negative triggers you do not catch up on.

So yes, I drew a false dichotomy and should have approached this differently, thank you for correcting it.

I mean I think we are joking here and I did chuckle, but I would agree that there is a clear distinction.

A trigger is a conditioning you have that brings up negative past experiences and associations.

These glimmers are basically you conditioning yourself to check-in with yourself and appreciate a moment and be more conscious of positive emotions or associations. So yes both conditioning, but one is a totally involuntary conditioning and the latter is a trained conditioning.

And I would say in their intensity they will also be very different. We are just very wired to feel negative emotions incredibly visceral to immediately change our behaviour. The same is not really true for conditioning ourselves to appreciate a moment or perspective.

aaay that’s so cool! Thanks for setting it up Kaity! I’m looking forward to giving it both a try and thanks for providing a space (again)!

uh interesting. I think I like the setup of the joke in this one more but it is basically the same joke yes.

Possibly, but I also honestly find it an interesting idea.

The way it is described it doesn’t sound like they recommend doing it with total strangers but have a conflict/discussion with a group that can chime in but is not focused on resolving the conflict but more processing it together. And honestly I think for some people that could be a good way to potentially learn and hone their way of speaking to each other.

I also really like the contra-culture idea they establish that conflict does not have to be uncontrollable and that we are responsible and accountable for our behaviour in conflict. So I think this could be an experience where you are able to air things that unsettle you while reaffirming that you bring it up because you care about the other person.

But I‘m sure this is not for everyone and is most likely a potentially energy intense way. I think the meme as well is more aimed in: I wanna butt in and say my piece without really having skin in the game.

Hmm okay I think I get your point but I don‘t know if I follow the premise that a narrow definition of rape is ultimately better for rape survivors/victims.

I think I would argue that especially in public discourse opening up what sexual harassment is and how we define rape allows more victims to step forward and share their experiences.

In the example for male rape survivors for example a common contention to not believe them is that they could physically overpower their abuser. And awareness work aims to show that even strong men can be forced and coerced. (The actor from Brooklyn 911 was an example for that discourse)

So that’s why I would not feel its a disservice if we call it rape because as the others have mentioned, it hinges a lot on the fact that we have learnt that the victim was dead at that time.

Just wanted to share my perspective but I feel I get yours a bit better now

I see yes. Thanks for giving more context.

I do think they should actively start talking about candidates for sure yes. So I very much agree with her on this.

I mean I can kinda see the point of using kings instead of oligarchy. But using oligarchy is a bigger stab at the billionaires in the room as well so I still think it captures a bigger part of the problem.

Otherwise I think I‘m down for her saying that she wants to get stuff done but I mean is she? I‘m totally uninformed but being highly ignorant it reads a bit like a whatever statement. Like you mentioning it is also just a performative act so yeah shrug

I do think the Dems have a problem in establishing words and totally losing the plot or narrative control over their words. Woke totally slipped into an insult and I don‘t think that was an unavoidable thing. I think if Dems would go for more public social policies they would get a lot of the votes back they have been shedding but I think their oligarchic interests are in their way. Like Harris could’ve just campaigned on getting SOME change done and I think more people could’ve warmed up to her but that particular ship has sailed.

Thanks for linking the article and centring the discussion.

Yes I get that. I‘m looking forward to reading the comment and article you have linked and thanks for the insightful perspective. I hope you have a lovely day

interesting, thanks for writing it down like this.

If you allow the random question, is this persistence of class between communes also the reason you shifted from anarchism to Marxism? Because I think you do make a persuasive point and would like to know what changed your trajectory/mind.

Haha but yeah I totally get that :D Some things I basically only do for my partner cuz they are so incredibly important to them, but I would never do them. One of those things is that when I was outside using public transport I always change my clothes at home lest I bring the germs onto our furniture (I dunno if that is remotely how it works) but I’ve grown kind of accustomed to it - when he’s not at home for a while I immediately stop doing it though xD

I recently also watched something by the Gottman Institute. https://youtu.be/AKTyPgwfPgg?si=O3X3vrNUIlVFx27M The way I understand it he’s a researcher on relationships with another researcher and they really study how relationships work in being positive experiences for both. He also very clearly argues that communication WITH and responding positively to your partner are key factors. I honestly didn’t have many relationships before my currently longterm one so I’m usually always looking for other perspectives on how to feel/understand our topics in the relationship. How long has your rleationship been going on for now?

And yes I always think that’s funny how fringe groups are sometimes so knowledgeable about certain topics. On the other hand I know it from my outing and living as a gay man. Like you were so forced to be confronted with your own desires being “deviant” from normal issues that you are so forced to do a deep dive into the thematic and really explore it, understand it and sometimes subvert it outright. And yes the way I remember it I also felt comfortable in BDSM places of communication but found polyamourous a bit more approachble :D

WELLLLLL those are a lot of overlaps between us :D I’m doing an MSc in Psychology, it should be alright honestly, like I know it’s gotta be manageable and I performed well in the years before, I’m just a bit anxious in general I would say xD So the wait for it is harder for me >.< In the last year I can mostly do stuff to specialise which is going to be male socialisation and men mental health issues and stuff. So I’m quite hopeful I’ll do alright :D What’s your master in? :) And I think it’s cool that you gave it another shot. I honestly think studying is fun, as is any kind of learning that resonates with you. And you do strike me as a curious person :) I can totally see how in some parts of our life studying just doesn’t fit.

And I play League of Legends xD Two peas in a pod for real :D They recently took away the game mode I REALLY enjoyed playing with a friend so it feels like a chore currently, I totally feel you there. Dota 2 felt a bit to complx for me when I played it for a while AGES ago :D

You are right I should totally read it. I recently listened/read “This is how you lose the time wars” and also greatly enjoyed it. I think in the past I consumed short stories way more often and always greatly enjoyed the experience.

Oh I am so happy you also liked the video! Yeah it felt like such a good takedown of it. I remember when I started being interested in relationship advice and I always felt that r/relationship(advice) was always hella toxic :D I really liked the polyamourous folk on reddit though. They were usually heavily centred on trying to communicate and accomodate the needs of our partner. Which - I’m still monogamous - felt like how I want to engage with my relationships. There have been some distinct moments for me where I was assuming how my partner wanted stuff or what I should want and it’s usually been a pretty stupid experience to realise it’s just not what I/they wanted. AND I think relationships change so much over time. Like we just become different people/versions of ourselves and it is constant work to stay aligned and in sync with your partner. Sure there are moments where it just works and you can read their mind but I think it’s healthy to acknowledge that that’s not always the case :X

Honestly - I only saw Everything Everywhere all at once last year and totally loved it, otherwise I was more focused on series I would say. I really liked Severance and Silo, but I’m a huuuuuuuuuge sucker for SciFi especially when the social commentary is really being explored.

Besides that I’ve been mostly just randomly watchng youtube videos and played some games. I’m starting my last master’s year in 2 weeks so I’ve been looking forward and dreading it at the same time xD I feel like I’ve been studying for sooo many years now (part-time mostly) that I shouldn’t feel such tumultous emotions, but yeah my body disagrees xD

What are you doing on your end that you don’t end up super bored? :)

Uh yes the social construction of meaning yes I totally see that view yes. Especially the sapir-whorf hypothesis as well with how you speak/what language you speak influences the way we can only make sense of our reality for sure!

I think my interpretation came from the last few frames of Amy Adams really embraving her relationship with her future husband while prior learning that they were going to split up eventually but still embracing all the good that would be coming her way even though it is intermingled with grief and loss and frustration. To me (but I guess I just love being a tragic person? :D) that speaks to her opening up to life, to a message of: we have to be open for all to have a full life. Especially with the prior framing of Amy in her house being very calm, disconnected and uninterested in anything really. But I would say it’s only one perspective on the film, next time I rewatch it, I’ll think about your perspective more :)

–

I do think you answered the question quite well. I think yours is a perfect example how supposedly privileged men can struggle/suffer in a patriachial system and how we all have so many thing to relearn.

Being in touch with my emotions has been a neverending experience for me as well, as well as articulating and sharing them with loved ones. I do hope your experience is getting better in that regard and that your wife sees how her rejection of your emotions is hurtful for you. Conversely, maybe when you find ways to express less extreme emotions you both have the opportunity to practice for the when the bigger emotions eventually come around again to be more aligned and feel more heard and validated by your partner.

Start of this year I really had to grow and get better at telling people how I felt cuz I was rather depressive and it was really tough communicating in what ways I felt low and how I felt like my control was slipping away from me. For me it was sometimes easier to think of my emotions like a picture I describe to someone else. My typical example of how I experience fear for example is this feeling of bitter cold in my gut and this horrible silence that is giving me the acute sense of: we cannot think right now, because any second now your life will become a total desaster and I just freeze up and cannot think/feel/do anything else.

You are making my days btw with these responses, it feels really nice to write with you. And now that I know you love Arrival, what are other movies that you really liked? :3

Well I’ll go for that book then and might come back to you when I have read it! Sounds amazing that is has that effect on you - I’ve heard a lot of good stuff about Bell Hooks so it’s nice to get further confirmation :)

Yes Arrival with the aliens from Dennis Villeneuve ( god I’m bad at speeeelling and rememberkng names)

https://youtu.be/jcbEiZQ9B7o?si=Av-A4JNSkrWhoK-Q This was the video I watched from her. I’ve watched a lot of essayist going for an hour so I also liked her keeping it to half an hour :D

What’s the thing that has been most affected of your stance on masculinity by her book would you say?

I’ve only now watched a few videos of oliSUNvia (I hope I spelled that right) - especially her popular video about how love is portrayed felt quite accurate to me. That the focus is usually that you are getting love and not how it is also a very active practice.

Then I am still debating on what Bell Hooks Book I wanna give a spin.

I also watched Arrival again. And thought about how it could be seen as a stoicist take on life that we have to embrace potential hurt and tragedy and be open for the unknown to blossom.

Those would be my takeaways from August. How about you and thanks for asking :)

Why would it have to be on their website to be true?

https://youtu.be/Ggpe_JrYy-A?si=WtiUBemUI2RVDM3d

This is just one snippet of them quite explicitly stating what they want. I think it would be disingenuous to argue otherwise

Thanks for starting off the discussion!

I don’t feel pressured to be useful and it’s one of the adjectives I never felt comfortable applying to myself. I’d say it’s one of the adjectives as a gay man that has made me feel like I don’t belong in straight male spaces that I was an imposter who didn’t know how to behave in them and who was fundamentally an outsider.

I’ve nowadays become very comfortable with accepting that I still wouldn’t use useful as an adjective or concept for myself and still feel happy with myself. That pressure in the past was crazy uncomfortable to me though as it just wasn’t a natural fit for me so I totally empathise with anyone struggling with it.

So glad I got around to watching it - was perfect during cooking.

I really resonated with the perspective of how supporting the prison system or judicial system is fundamentally in support of a status quo and a way of not changing inherent system issues and problems like wellfare, housing, immigration statuses, brutal policing. Saying that getting an abuser arrested is **always ** the right choice in this carceral feminist perspective is I think harmful as Olisunvia points out. I also really appreciated how she touched upon the topic that calls for transformative or restorative justice don’t mean that victims are meant to always forgive abusers or even use the current systems.

Generally the attitude to hold an either/and perspective of acknowledging that someone is an abuser and has done harm while still also acknowledging that they themselves can be a victim and symptoms of the system is very valuable to have I think. I don’t think it’s a perspective we can always hold but I think it’s incredibly constructive in making sense of the social realities we live in.

Thanks for sharing the video - I had only seen her before during a F.D Signifier video and never checked her out individually, but I like her very articulate way of framing the discourse.

I think that’s a really good takeaway from it.

I also clearly felt that he knew something had to be addressed and I also hope that as you mentioned he might feel more empowered to ask the right questions to himself now and be better at exploring this issue he has.

And your comment about therapy deeply resonates with me so thanks for sharing that I haven’t had it my feelings regarding it so succinctly spelled out before.

Interesting - I hadn’t heard of Mr. Corman yet at all. I’ll give it a watch :)