Kinda depends on context. Because, if you’ve ever been around toddlers it means something different lol.
But I suspect you mean when the kids are adults.
It’s typically going to be a blend of things. Wanting to see your kids find their groove. Part of the job of being a parent is getting your kids to adulthood in a state where they can survive, and hopefully thrive, on their own. That’s because nobody lives forever, so they’ll have to do life without you at some point.
You also want them to have stability and success. Not everyone has the same criteria for those things, but it’s the hopeful part of parenting. Ideally, you set your kid up to have a better life than you.
The problem comes in when success and stability don’t have the same criteria for the parents and the kids.
Settling down usually does mean that a person has found their groove, and they’re also likely to be on a career path of some kind. They’re also not likely to be partying too much or engaging in risky behaviors.
So, if the parents value that kind of life as “success”, of course they’ll wnat their kids on a path to that life before the parents age out of being able to help with that goal.
That does sometimes come with parents obsessing over it. Even more common is parents thinking that it has to be reached on a shorter timeline than the kid wants. So it can be a source of conflict, despite it starting out as something positive.
Of course, parents are humans. Humans are assholes. So you run into parents that believe their kids are extensions of themselves rather than independent humans. Those parents want their kids to reflect well on them, to extend their own sense of self. Thus, the child fulfilling the parent’s ideals becomes vital to the parents’ goals.
It’s like anything else, really. Complicated.
Me? I tend to just want my kid to find their groove no matter what it looks like. I may or may not be able to assist them in life, depending on what that groove is, but I just want them to have as fulfilling a life as possible in the world we’re stuck in. Anything else is icing on the cake
Because he’s 4 and has been rioting all day long
Eh, he’s ok. He just sees the state of the world, and is getting into the right frame of mind from an early age. Riot often, I say!
At essence it’s not worrying about you because you have a stable life. And sometimes because they want grandkids.
“Settlings Down” can mean different things.
It could mean:
- get married, have babies, keep a job for 10 years.
- stop getting drunk every night. Stop sleeping with random strangers. Keep a job long enough to pay me the $200 you owe me. Stop calling me at 3 AM to bail you out.
I think the first is often used as a polite way to say the second.
Everyone’s saying so the parents don’t have to worry, but there’s also an evolutionary / natural selection aspect to it. Those that ensure their kids had kids are more likely to successfully ensure their genes are passed on than those that don’t. Also, grandparents can help alleviate the burden of raising a child and allow parents to make even more kids
My parents don’t give a shit about anything i do. Just wanna know when am i gonna get married and have kids. Its sad
Never been a thing between me and my parents. I’m sure they want me to be in a happy relationship, but they’ve never pressured me. I assume those that do are influenced by social norms or some such peer pressure.
They’ll not going to be around forever so they want to know you’ll be able to look after yourself.
And a grandkid or two would be nice…
Some Inheritance would be nice, but my boomer dad insists on spending it himself. Neither of us get what we want.
That selfish bastard! Using the money he earned himself on him! Fucking boomer
…I get your point though (I think?), just not very obvious.
And I want to save money by not having kids. 🤨
It’s fair in a sense that his father may have left him inheritance
This reeks of privilege, dawg. Check yourself.
The boomers made their way, then pulled the ladder up behind them. That’s privilege.
For the overwhelming majority of the US population the notion of an ‘inheritance’ has not nor will it ever cross their mind.
Be bitter about the lack of social safety nets or any investments by those in power into the poor and middle class.
Not because you aren’t getting something from a loved one you somehow believe you were owed.
Oh, I hate this country with a passion.
Dad just wastes his money on dumb shit. He’s like a teenager in a 65 year old body.
He never spent as much on us growing up as he does and always has on himself.
I’ll be sure to find the seediest nursing home I can when he can’t afford to live on his own anymore.
It’s his money, not yours
Yeah, and what if I choose not to have kids to save my money?
It’s my money, not his.
You’re not obligated to have children - just like your dad isn’t obligated to leave you an inheritance.
Exactly.
So why are my boomer parents so insistent about grandkids?
It’s expensive enough for just 2 of us to live. Why bring a 3rd into the situation?
The discussion wasn’t about them being insistent on grandkids - it was about you being insistent on inheritance. If you think they’re being unreasonable, then it’s worth recognizing that your own insistence might be just as unreasonable.
They probably want their kids to have someone to look after them when they are no longer around.
Imho, it’ partly because then they know their kids have reached that stage in their lives where they are stable and have a home as well as are socially cared for and care for their significant other. Puts their minds at ease basically and they can age peacefully. Most parents basically want the best for their children and this is one symptom of it (now I’m prepared to get the replies of all the people with shitty parents.)
Yeah, this fits more or less where I am. My eldest is 27 and left home 5 years ago. He’s just out of a long term relationship around 6 months. He lives in a different country in central Europe and is living the life. Travels a lot, has a great group of friends spread all over the continent, great job that he really likes earning good money etc. I’m really happy for him and it does give me a sense of ease to see him at a point in his life where he’s thriving.
On the other hand I’d be very happy to see him in a loving relationship and / or owning property instead of paying rent. Snuggles are nice and rent is poverty tax (for the most part) but I’m conscious that owning a property ties him to a place and he’s not ready for that yet.
So…to answer OP…I’m not obsessed with it at all, but they’re nice things to see for your kids that kinda tick the box of “my job here is (mostly) done”.
So you don’t have to worry so much anymore.
100 thousand years of biological drive and evolution? Add on culture and religious drive to reproduce.
One of the earliest ways religions attempted (and still do) become the dominant religion was simply out breeding the other ones.
Because to them settling down means having “made it”. It’s the last checkpoint before you stop being their baby boy/girl and become a full-fledged adult.
Because it’s at that point that we’ve “beat the game”.
A basic reason would be separation anxiety.
