I pretty much just sat at my desk, spaced out, and disassociated through most of grade school. In first grade I got detention for having a snowball fight, except I never did fight, and I was just picking up the snow to eat it (I was obsessed with eating snow as a kid). I was so confused and after that I felt like I couldn’t play or engage with anything, so I began to disengage as well.
It’s only recently that I’ve realized disassociating and disengaging have made me very lonely and are no longer helpful to me and I’ve started trying to put more effort into socializing, but I’m also not that great at it.
It feels sometimes like I have the need to socialize but not the desire or the drive, and often if one little thing goes wrong I feel like shit
Like if one had no drive to eat food, and a variety of allergies
eventually i just read in a bathroom stall until i heard them coming in and slipped back into the flow
You fucks are making me think I’m autistic
You have your $HOME as your username
Yes
Based
Pineapplelover? You like swings for a whole other reason im sure
Buddy, it’s perfectly normal to meticulously memorize facts about every brand and model of swing set. I wouldn’t worry about it.
All the other swingers out here keep approaching me, but all i want is to do a tier list the best tire dimensions for these.
When I was in first grade, the teacher called everyone by name to line up for recess. Somehow she missed my name. I didn’t say anything I just sat because I wasn’t called. Then they all went to recess. A little while later the teacher noticed me missing and came back to the classroom to find me crying in my seat.
autism moment (rules are absolute)
It got better as you figured out how to mask. But it never got all the way better because you didn’t know why you had to act differently than you felt.
I always knew why. Everyone else was usually a dumb ass or too immature.
Too real, I always felt and still feel like I’m wearing a mask. And one i don’t particularly want. I always felt like I was on the outside among everyone, like I was there but unable to connect. I don’t even try anymore
There are several peer-reviewed studies that show neurotypicals rate even just the TRANSCRIPT of autistic people’s speech as 30% less favorable across all social classes and segments.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5286449/
And worst of all: the subjects couldn’t even tell why they did it, they literally hate us instinctively.
No the transcript was the only one where the results between the ASD and NT groups were within error margin
See figure 1
Also as the undiagnosed suicidally depressed kid.
“Why aren’t you out playing sports???”
I heard it many times.
You had swings?!
Thankfully no. My school had lot of non asshole kids (I think kids are usually trained to be selfish assholes) who were kind and patient enough to socialize with weirdos (aka undiag autistic kids) like me. They were the reason I developed somewhat functional (though absolutely not ‘normal’) social life in adulthood. We are still friends, unfortunately we are spread all over the world nowadays cause life.
I think culture matters too, autistic spectrum friends of mine who went to US schools tend so say having very different experience. Opposite anecdotes were from kids in asia.
No, being a selfish asshole is instinctive for humans. Being egalitarian is what must be taught
I think both traits are taught and at the same time innate at the same time. While growing up, we learn an abstract value system that shapes when we want to be selfish and when not.
Have you taken any developmental psych courses?
Yes, in uni.
Ok then you should know that there is a fucktonne of research about behaviors before values are capable of being learned
I totally know. What I said is what ‘I think’ not what I ‘discovered’. There’s isn’t more science in it than in an educated guess. Taking a course doesn’t make me a behavioral scientist and even then claiming what I know is absolute is pure bs.
… ok so then you know that without social training humans don’t really have a value system besides ‘make sure my needs are met’…
You forgot the part where the other kids pelt you with wood chips
our playground had those chunks of recycled truck tire rubber, so kids pelted you with carcinogens
My primary school had bolted some tractor tyres on their sides to springs and placed them in the play area.
They were nice and warm in the sunshine so I would curl up inside them and rest.
I was somewhat of a loner.
We had them too but they were full of redback spiders
What stopping you from enjoying your break with them? /s
This sounds so nice, I want to go there right now.
Guess I got lucky. Our primary school library was open at break times and even though the librarian was a bit cranky she let me read all the Asterix and Tintin books I wanted.
Hey, btw did that one random kid who showed up and tried to be friends with you help? I have an autistic sister and knew other autistic kids as well growing up and i always tried to include everyone in my recess activities and friend group so nobody would feel left out. Hope others also had friends like this or were the friends themselves. At least i know i made some peoples days better. Its a long road to get people to tolerate each other but a worthwhile one.
I just sat under tree. Just waiting. My God i hated the waiting.
